If we asked all the parents in the world what they want for their children, surely most of the answers would refer to forming happy and fulfilling human beings. In this noble work, each one has different perspectives, all always with the best of intentions of course. However, some move to extremes, such as those that fall into overprotection and absolute control. The problem is that many times we are not aware of it. Hence, below we are going to point out some daily behaviors that betray overprotective parents.
Overprotective and controlling parents usually justify their actions in terms of 'care and protection' from the dangers and threats that their children can run into in the world (they really think so) - And while it is true that one of the duties basic parenting is to protect, there are limits and the ideal is always seek balance.
These parents must accept that there are times when they must inevitably letting children have their own stumbling blocks and learning from them. Others make decisions most of the time based on what they had to live in their childhood and seem to forget that it is no longer about their lives, but about that of a new person who lives in other times and who has the right to explore the world, live your own experiences and make your own decisions; obviously according to each stage of development they go through.
We might think that overprotective parents of young children would have to relax when their children grow older and have more weapons to face new or dangerous situations, however, in many cases the older they grow, the tighter control becomes.
Once a very overwhelmed mother came to my office because she had just found out that her teenage daughter was dropped from her last year of high school due to absences. The mother was really surprised since her daughter did go to school, but she simply did not enter the classes and did not explain why. Once I talked to the young woman and we managed to put the puzzle together, we discovered that she was the overprotection and control to which she was subjected (they did not let her go out with her friends under any circumstances) that she had decided to have the social life that was denied her, in her school hours, spending each class with different groups of friends.
This allowed him to fulfill the social need that he had and incidentally take a little revenge on his mother who he perceived as a kind of full-time policeman. In the end, the price was high for both of them, since the daughter did not manage to enter university that year because she had to go through the school year and her mother realized that the enormous distance that their overprotection had established between them.
And it is that overprotection is really something very difficult for a child or young person to cope with and the effects it can cause on their personality are decisive and can negatively affect their life forever, either by generating fears and insecurities, limiting their ability to be autonomous, and independent, generating resentment, damaging the way they relate to others, etc.
That is why as moms and dads we must be careful not to fall into these types of patterns and be willing to make adjustments if we discover ourselves in this style.
Here is a list of some behaviors that smell terribly like overprotective:
1. You try by all means let your son do what you want, always thinking that what you think is the best for him. You just don't accept other alternatives.
2. You sleep with your child over three years old through the night more than once a week.
3. Faced with any misunderstanding or school difficulty with a teacher or classmate, you appear personally to intervene without first advising your child to try to solve it first.
4. If your child has not met with a teacher you consider suitable or in the group with his friends, you will do everything possible to get him to change classes.
5. 'You do your homework with your child' every day and make sure they are perfect.
6. You choose the clothes your child should wear on a daily basis and you don't give him the opportunity to choose even within a limited number of options.
7. You get upset if your child's emotions don't match what you expect; that is, if he cries or feels sad about something that you consider is not worth it.
8. In a restaurant you always choose for him and you are the one who addresses the waiter, even though he is old enough to do so.
9. You never let your child go for a walk if you don't go; It could be dangerous.
10. You make sure you know exactly what your child has eaten during the day.
11. You panic if your child tells you that their head hurts or stomach and immediately run to the doctor.
12. It seems natural to you to walk into your nine-year-old's room without knocking on the door or while taking a shower.
13. You check your teenager's backpack, drawers and mobile (secretly from him) frequently to avoid exposing him to a dangerous situation.
14. You forbid your child some friendships because you do not consider them adequate without first undertaking the task of knowing them more.
15. You continually deny your adolescent permission to go out with friends or go to parties because you consider that he is not yet of age or that he is very dangerous.
If as a mother you discover yourself in several of the indicated behaviors, it's time to relax and start making gradual changes in the way you define your way of protecting and caring.
Of course, you always have to be close by watching their steps, but not preventing them from taking them on their own ...
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