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Having children is the end of many couples. Sometimes, at the cost of many emotional, professional and even financial inconveniences. For this reason, I would like to rethink the situation to find a new vision of what is important in a relationship and what, in order to be parents, is not kept in mind. But There is something that you can never forget when being a father or mother: taking care of yourself and your partner.
Loving yourself is more difficult than having a child; When you have really found your soul mate, caring for and maintaining them is more complex than taking on a child. However, I know that this desire to be parents (which is sometimes a hard, very hard desire) it can lead to forgetting the partner and the true feelings that unite them.
Being lucky enough to fall in love and to be reciprocated, that is complex, and I don't know why it is something that we forget with the passage of time in the relationship.
Often times, as a couple, we have many challenging conflicts to deal with. Jealousy, family, communication problems, lies, infidelities or even problems due to routine or saturation. Sometimes a relationship puts up with things it doesn't want for longer than it wants. All of it is continually testing the relationship.
And yet we don't usually go deep into solving all these problems. And we think having a child will solve everything. But is this always the answer?
Being well with someone serves to want to live together. However, we must be clear that this does not mean being able to live together. And is that in matters of coexistence wanting is not power. So to ensure a good coexistence it is necessary to work on three fundamental aspects:
- Personal problems.
- Relationship problems.
- Relationship conflicts.
To live well as a couple, you must first harmonize with yourself. We cannot hope that living together will solve the problems we have with our partner. Just as the arrival of a child will not be the solution either.
At this point, I would like to bring up a phrase that you may have heard and that will make you think about whether you also want to have a partner (and a family) founded on love: 'In love, everything that does not add, subtracts'.
And finally, keep in mind that the child must be the natural consequence of a healthy relationship as a couple and of course, of a decision between the two. While it arrives, don't forget:
- Avoid confusing stability with routine.
- Couples work by reinforcement, not by effort.
- Details add up and forgetfulness subtract.
I always say that being a mother is not the same as having a child. And there are those who decide to bring a baby into the world because they want to be happier and others because they want to make those little ones happy; there are who seek a change in their life after becoming mothers or fathers (like, for example, improve your relationship) and others who care more about changing the lives of the babies they will bring into the world.
Each one is mother and father in a different way and, therefore, every fatherhood and every motherhood cannot be compared. Each one feels and lives their circumstances as they want and as they can. However, it is necessary to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you to reflect on what type of mother / father you are and how you approach family life.
To finish, I would like to leave you a phrase that invites reflection: 'Living together helps to mature and growing up helps to live together', A. Bolinches.
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