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My son behaves terrible and does not listen to me

My son behaves terrible and does not listen to me


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Many of us have found ourselves in a situation where our children ignore us, behave very badly and do not listen to us. The one who has never found himself in a similar situation is: either because he has no children or he has done very well from the first moment. But unfortunately, most parents in the 21st century are not this lucky.

The rhythm of today's society has led most mothers to be in the labor market, that is a difficult reality to change and even more so in these moments of crisis. Due to this, children from an early age spend very few hours with their parents and they hardly know them, they start their first stages, walking, using the potty, eating in pieces, in nurseries with very capable professionals but outside the ideal environment of growth that is the family.

No one gives the house keys to their still young child or considers being parents only for the weekend. No one. Many times it is ignorance, others, necessity. Others do not get the priorities right in life, others very wrong ideas of what is good for their education.

How is it possible that the more this society advances in education and quality of life, the more affective and value deficiencies our children show? How is it possible that the emotional quality in which they live is so fragile? Why are so many children taking antidepressants ...? Why is there so much school failure, violence and harassment in schools, contempt for the pain of others? Why if integration, collaboration and solidarity work in school, in the street faced with a problem or the pain of a stranger the vast majority of us turn our faces? We are very clear about what is correct, what happens is that we believe that it has to be the other one who does something.

As long as it is oneself who has to do something, all are excuses (I don't have time, I don't have enough training, that's not my job, teachers are the ones who have to educate, doctors have to solve the child's problem for me because it is easier to give a pill than to spend time listening, understanding and educating). If arguing with your son is painful, better avoid spending a lot of time with him ... No, no and a thousand times no.

It is true that many good people do not have time to educate their children and when the first problems arise they worry, but since they do not know where to turn they let it pass and the ball grows until it slips out of their hands. And then what alternatives do we have? Given the school information of any strange or annoying behavior in children, how many of us had already noticed before? But we do not act until the criteria of society can reject the behavior of our children and we act then because deep down those who feel rejected are ourselves through our children, since unconsciously parents blame their children because they do not arrive to the expectations that had been created of them.

Unmanaged emotions, emotions and more emotions, dismantling all our schemes, create a climate of tension in families from which everyone wants to flee and the vicious circle is closed. Mediators, coach, family advisers, consultants, therapists, neurolinguistic programmers we are there to help manage those emotions, unravel the "problems", give resources, find other ways of doing things, change behaviors.

To stop to feel, see and hear real life, not what we want it to be, what it is. We teach children to put themselves in the place of the other, to distance themselves from problems, to take perspectives, to seek resources, in short we listen to them and we teach them to listen to themselves.

Elena Martínez Albertos
Swimandcoach co-director, advisor and consultant

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